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Trying

by The Ruralists

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1.
HereNow 03:31
I pray to the saints of empty gas tanks And to the God of the bottom of the ninth I wait on a word on a whisper never heard Though I listen with all my might What if all there is Is this? Right here. Right now. You hope for the best for the long peaceful rest And the resurrection of the dead And you fear silly things that the future may never bring Oh how your heart pounds And what if all there is Is this? Right here. Right now. Is enough enough? (Enough is enough) Is enough enough? (Enough is enough) Is enough enough (Enough is enough is enough is enough) Right here. Right now.
2.
Mother Mary 05:01
I keep trying to see the face Of mother mary full of grace In an apple core In a sticky bun In a stretch of clouds In the setting sun But all that’s there is just the flesh and peel Just the carmeled crust and the pink and teal of harvest dust I keep trying to tell you how I have always loved you like I love you now But my tongue gets thick and my brain brain goes slack And all these words come out bric-a-brac And all that’s there is just the metaphor It’s not the whole of you It’s not the crux and core It’s not the through and through I keep trying to understand How a dram of atoms makes the man And the woman too Is that the whole of us? Just a clump of dirt? Just a cloud of dust? And that’s there is just some chemistry The arithmetic of you and me And the human heart is just a fine machine Not a work of art filled with kerosene Not a mystery of colossal scope Not a duffel bag of fear and hope Not a megaphone of love and hate Not a talisman to keep us safe Not a rattletrap always breaking down Not a spiderweb Not a shantytown Not a creaking bridge Not a tank brigade Not an oracle Not a masquerade Just a thing that bangs and beats and pounds And throbs and churns and wails and sounds And maybe all we are is dust Maybe that’s the whole of us But maybe we are magic too Impossible and completely true Through and through
3.
What is this ache Threatening to break my heart in two? This tender skin I’ve been living in can feel it too Might be a change in the weather Might be I’m losing my mind But I find myself a beggar Bartering with time The trouble with time is The line that it flies is straight and true It don’t give a damn about All of the plans I’ve got with you And there’s nothing we can do For heaven’s sake If I could only take this life with you And run it back You know that’s exactly what I’d do Might be impossible to promise Might be a vow we’ll bend But let’s swear our love’s forever And there is no end The trouble with time is The line that it flies is straight and true And part of the deal is The love that we feel is tinged in blue And there’s nothing we can do Of course a shortness of breath Doesn’t always lead to death And though life is hard And the earth is mostly just a bone yard It’s pretty in the sunlight
4.
When I can’t sleep I don’t count sheep Instead I try to recall Where all that I have lost might be And I never can After all I’m just a man Who’s forgotten more Than I could ever understand Aren’t we strange machines? You and me Aren’t we strange machines? Human beings When you dream It always seems Like I’ve wandered off And you cannot find me But it’s in your head All that fear and dread And I’m right where you left me Asleep in your bed Aren’t we strange machines? You and me Aren’t we strange machines? Human beings Bones and blood and hair and skin And the multitudes within Aren’t we strange machines Human beings Aren’t we strange machines You and me
5.
People are people too Just like me and you From the tops of our heads To the foot of our beds People are people too You seem to think they’re not You seem to think they’re not You treat them like things And not human beings But people are people too Of course it’s the same for me Of course it’s the same for me It’s hard to admit But I often forget That people are people too So then what can be done So then what can be done Just what do we need For us to agree That people are people too People are people too Just like me and you From the buds of our tongues To the air in our lungs People are people too People are really strange People are really strange We do what we won’t And believe what we don’t But people are people too Sometimes they drive you nuts Sometimes they drive you nuts So we try to negate With our labels and hate But people are people too Time here is really short Time here is really short So let’s make up a plan To be as kind as we can Because people are people too
6.
Helluvathing 03:50
When you talk about stardust And how it’s in all of us The picture in my mind Is so pretty I could cry And when I mention Jesus Christ I know how you roll your eyes And if I’m telling you the truth Most days I do it too You and I Don’t see eye to eye On loads of things But you and me We both agree That to believe in anything is a helluva thing So you play the scientist And I’ll take the alchemist You can measure what you see And I will read the leaves And then when the sun is set We’ll lay our bodies into beds Skin covering ghosts Knows dark matter matters most You and I Don’t see eye to eye On loads of things But you and me We both agree That to believe in anything is a helluva thing It might not be as simple as I think And we both might find ourselves awake Asking what all of this means And it might be the voice of God Or it might be nothing at all The answer is the same We’re here because we’re here because we’re here
7.
I keep trying not to care about the things I cannot change But it remains my resolution every year And though I’m tired of being angry I’m still shouting myself hoarse Which of course makes it difficult to hear All the ticks and all the tocks From all the hands on all the clocks And all the chimes on all the bells From all the time that always tells me That the world is fading fast And the future will be past Before we know Maybe this year will be different and I’ll be wise enough to know And just let go of all the things I cannot change And I’ll finally find a way to just sit still And pass the time Reminded of what’s lovely and strange Like a January thaw Or that woodpeck I saw Or the buds bursting from trees Which soon will turn to leaves Until the time again next fall When the trees will drop them all Before we know I’ll be gone before I know it Life it passes in a flash Back to ash our bodies wash out to the sea But before all of that happens I resolve to do my best To address just what could use some change in me Less preaching and more prayer More tenderness and care Less judgement and more love Less worry about stuff More attention to what’s dear Because it all will disappear Before we know
8.
(dis)appear 04:46
I would know you in the darkest dark Your slope and shape Your neck and nape And the slow sound of your steady breath The lovely scrape As it escapes We appear. We disappear. But while we’re here I would know you in the darkest dark I am trying the best I can To hold this life Both loose and tight But my mind can’t Quite keep it straight My touch is light My knuckles white We appear. We disappear. But while we’re here I am trying the best I can Take a long look at the things you love Don’t be afraid Don’t look away We’ll be gone on before we know Nothing made Fails to decay We appear. We disappear. But while we’re here Take a long look at the things you love.
9.
InBetween 03:35
If life’s a joke I’ve always hoped the laugh behind it is divine And we’ve just misread the room And what’s the point Was not the point at all It was too small And the laughter was the truth Is it a joke to be alive Is it so serious to die It seems to me the truth is always somewhere in between But here’s the problem What I want is to believe with all my being In a sure and certain path A guarantee That all the choices that I make Will lead me right Like life is only simple math Wouldn’t it be nice? If all the wrongs and rights Were clear to me Instead of always somewhere in between When I was young I only wanted to be old Though I am told That the opposite is true But when I am old I want to say I’ve loved it here All of these years And I’m not worried that it’s through Most times they look the same Tears of joy and tears of paint And it might be That they are always somewhere in between
10.
murmur 03:47
You’re a murmur of starlings Darling All your ever-shifting parts A work of modern art That I cannot understand And I can’t look away Or convey All my slip-sliding thoughts All twisted up in knots Explaining how I feel So I’ll keep writing you all these love songs All my life long Trying to get it right And you’ll keep asking me Why I do it Why I can’t quit But I just don’t know how It’s just like breathing now I’m an old tv set Trying to get The picture to come in With strips of kitchen tin Wrapped around my ears But it’s mostly just snow Even though I’m giving it my best I just haven’t got it yet As clear as it can be So I’ll keep writing you all these love songs All my life long Trying to get it right And you’ll keep asking me Why I do it Why I can’t quit But I just don’t know how It’s just like breathing now There’s a word that I learned From a friend About saying what you’ve got By saying what it’s not Possible to say So then all that I know I suppose Of language and of rhyme Of being and of time Means nothing without you
11.
Hook 03:15
Yesterday afternoon I realized All of my favorite friends are gadflies Buzzing in my ears Asking why we’re here And half of my head is philosophic The other side’s staunchly catastrophic Running around town Shouting the blue skies down Saying the good old days were never good I heard a sermon preached on Thomas Said it wasn’t the doubt that kept him honest He was desperate to believe In the things he couldn’t see And I got to thinking I’m a lot like him An optimist caught in a skeptic’s skin Hoping everything is fine Despite the warning signs Saying the good old days were never good We just saw the world the best we could You know I love my indignation Righteous or not that warm sensation Spreading across my skin Boiling to the brim And you let me spin like a top on fire Shouting and squealing like an amplifier Until I blow another fuse And surrender to the news The last few years have been real bad But you wait me out ever-patiently Biding your time to remind me Of all the things I’ve got That I’ve conveniently forgot And you put your hands up on my cheeks And I can almost believe love could calm the seas You look me in the eyes And all the panic dies Maybe the last few years haven’t been so bad We just lost the line on all we had And you say: Let yourself off the hook Let yourself off the hook now darling Let yourself off the hook I know you want to do it all by the book But you should let yourself off the hook
12.
Right‽ 04:41
Dear God It’s complicated All these ventricles and veins Pumping blood up to our brains From our wild and wooly hearts Oh Christ The incarnated Is this what you could see In the garden on your knees Begging for another way How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right You do the right thing right Right‽ Oh my Aren’t we frustrated Taking sides and making stands Drawing lines deep in the sand For the wind to blow away Dear me The implicated Always thinking I can tell What is good and right and well Without seeing the other side How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right You do the right thing right Right‽ It’s hard as hell to love your neighbor Might be just as hard to love yourself But if we want to get along Then we’ve got to get along It’s not like we’ve got anybody else How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right thing You do the right thing How do you do the right You do the right thing right Right‽

credits

released April 7, 2023

Recorded at the Back Back
Produced by Luke Hawley
Mastered by Carf Saff at Saff Mastering

Special thanks to: The Reverend Doctor Jeremy Perigo, Caleb Hawley, Jacob Champlin, Joe Mann, Joshua Engen, Damon Groen, and the First Ave Barn Choir. We sure had fun.

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The Ruralists Sioux Center, Iowa

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